On the way to L.A.  My GPS shows I have 375 miles to my destination, La Canada, California.  I’m driving on Highway 395 from Lake Tahoe to the southern part of the great state of California.  This is a longer route than the often travelled Highway 5, but infinitely more beautiful.  Unfortunately no Andersen’s split pea soup to enjoy and no carnivorous delight at the Harris Ranch…I’ll get over it, mostly due to spectacular mountains and the presence of Erick Schat’s Bakkery in Bishop and its famous Sheepherder’s Bread (don’t pass up the cheese bread).

Obviously, I’m in the passenger seat; new California law forbids this type of work while driving.  Upcoming exit for Bodie, a well preserved ghost town (10,000 residents in this gold mining town in 1879) and then Mono Lake, struggling to survive.  Very few cars on the road, but plenty of wildlife on the side including cows and horses.  Look at the trailer homes.  Here’s a guy on my right that has a single-wide on what looks to be a 5 acre piece of land.  My guess is the trailer cost about $30K with brand spanking new detail.  Next to it he has a ginormous speedboat that is probably worth $100K.  This leads to me to the subject of priorities.  I know everyone is different.  And this guy lives large for the 10-20 days a year when he powers up that manhood enhancer.  But for the other 345-355 days he needs to shut the bathroom door simply to have access to his kitchen.  Sure, if he didn’t have the boat I’d feel bad making judgment—he may have been through some hard times.  Oh, but the boat just changes the picture.  And speaking of manhood, I drive a Honda Pilot, and it needs some gas so we’re pulling over for fuel and Skittles.  Stay tuned for why this blog belongs on the site of a children’s book publisher.  Something about the animals grazing.  Do you know why those cows I see out my window are so great?  Because they are outstanding (out standing) in their field…buttumbum.

So why did we publish Lawrence the Laughing Cookie Jar?  The family is clearly White, and nothing else.  The answer to this is actually simple; sometimes the quality of a book is at such a level that we can overcome certain issues.  When the author submitted Lawrence the Laughing Cookie Jar to MPC, we realized we had a winner, despite the purely White family.  Yes, our potential audience was trimmed, but initial test marketing indicated likely success.  In fact, our Media Acceptance Determination of Family Features (MADOFF) calculation came in at 91 out of 100, the highest level calculated in the history of MPC Press.  We are told that Curious George (which features the racially evident Man with the Yellow Hat) posted a MADOFF calculation of 89.  You may be asking what the MADOFF calculation really measures.  It is too confusing to describe in detail but try to picture a survey of parents and children that asks unbiased questions such as, “If I gave you 20 bucks, would you enjoy this book more?” 

While the success of Lawrence the Laughing Cookie Jar is without debate, we were pleased when the same author presented us with the manuscript, Rhyme, a story about pigs.  Our test marketing has revealed greater global acceptance (despite some selected human illustrations, multi-racial of course, beginning on page 19), and we hope to consider offers by translators (into potentially 30 languages including Pig Latin), due to international demand.  Stay tuned.

If you’ve never seen Being There, rent it now; fans of the film may be in disbelief that it has been 30 years since it hit theaters. And, the movie won the Academy Award for Best Picture in 1980 and was one of Peter Sellers’ last films.  Why am I bringing up a 30-year old film today, besides the fact that it is celebrating three decades of existence?  Well, my reasoning is simple, just like the reasoning of Chauncey Gardiner.  Sellers’ character, “Chance the gardner”, becomes Chauncey Gardiner when his name is misunderstood by a wealthy couple who invite him into their home after their car hits him.  Chance had previously lived in his own extremely sheltered world, tending to a garden and watching a lot of t.v., which were the only sources of his education.  Wonderfully simple and serious but amusing chatter is uttered by Chauncey, with most of it gardening jargon.  Still, his host, Ben Rand (the wealthy businessman) actually believes that Chauncey’s comments are coming from a well educated man, and he interprets these views as important relating to business and politics.  Chauncey is introduced to Rand’s friend, the president of the United States.  A slew of simplistic quotations follow and they remind me of Rhyme the pig’s platform, particularly Rhyme’s slogan: “Dirt Doesn’t Hurt“.  When the president asks if the country “can stimulate growth through temporary incentives”, Chauncey replies that, “As long as the roots are not severed, all is well, and all will be well in the garden…In the garden, growth has its seasons.  First comes spring and summer, but then we have fall and winter, and then we get spring and summer again.”  The president applauds Chauncey’s comments by stating that, “I think what our insightful young friend is saying is that we welcome the inevitable seasons of nature, but we’re upset by the seasons of our economy.”  The president and later the country take a strong liking to Chauncey’s fresh and simple “intellect”.  I’m not really sure where I’m going with this but I loved the movie.  And Rhyme is just a pig, yet he also has fresh and simple intellect.  Unfortunately, I’m not sure if fresh and simple intellect is enough to solve our country’s current financial mess.  We’ll see what happens with the banks next week.  Until then, rent Being There, and pick up a copy of Rhyme.

MPC: After the successful publication of Lawrence the Laughing Cookie Jar or “LLCJ” (not to be confused with LL Cool J), it was obvious that you would pen another children’s book.  But, it took you more than 10 years after your first book, No More Mac and Cheese, A Bachelor’s Guide to Cookie with Ease, to publish LLCJ.  Why did you wait so long?

WM: After the bachelor’s cookbook hit shelves, I was exhausted.  From book tours, to interviews, I never seemed to have any time to myself.  Don’t get me wrong, people were kind…I would check into hotels and they would charge me half price.  I was flattered, until I remembered that everyone was paying half price; it was 1991 and we were in a recession.  Whatever the situation, I needed time to cool off.  I relaxed, earned a degree, but then fell into some sort of funk.

MPC: OK, so you took a long break, but what made you want to be back on stage?

WM: Like everyone who has had a hit and then a subsequent burnout, there is a time to get back on your feet.  So, in the words of Mr. Mister, I decided to “take these broken wings and learn to fly again.”  You could say that Lawrence the Laughing Cookie Jar saved my life. 

MPC:  Saved your life?

WM:  That’s actually an exaggeration, but I’ve heard others use the phrase, and it’s pretty powerful.  Really, I was bored with lying on the couch and staring at the ceiling.

MPC: But why a book about a cookie jar?

WM: When I was in business school, learning about interesting things such as how supermarkets can efficiently reduce the number of checkout lines and why the four P’s of marketing don’t work for commodities, my mind would wander.  One day, I was eating a cookie and I thought back to the times of taking cookies from my parents’ jar.  It was impossible to steal a cookie and replace the lid without at least a slight noise, which was all it took to send a signal across the house to wherever my folks were sitting.  In the story, I decided to personify the cookie jar; Lawrence laughs when cookies are pilfered, sending the same signal.  One day, the parents in the story are outside, the kids steal cookies, and Lawrence the Laughing Cookie Jar’s laughter cannot be heard.  The children are safe from trouble and they eat too many cookies and are sick to their stomachs.  I don’t want to reveal too much more or else no one will buy the book.

MPC: Don’t take this personally but do people really still buy the book?

WM: You bet.  Lawrence is ranked 2,445,391 on amazon’s list of bestselling books.  That puts it ahead of…well, really not that many books, although LL Cool J (Hip-Hop Stars) is ranked 2,529.346.

MPC: Thank you Will.

WM: My pleasure.

“Chicken Cordon Orange you might never have tried—
A nice breast of chicken, ham and cheese inside.
It’s not Cordon Bleu, the blue you never see.
With Chicken Cordon Orange, cheddar cheese is the key…”

While Ms. Child’s kind comments did arrive (and may she rest in peace), unfortunately she chose simply to mimic the rhyming style of our cookbook and give holiday greetings at the same time, without offering any relevant thoughts that we could print on our cover:

“Thanks for the copy of your No More Mac and Cheese.
It is a book which will surely please!
I wish you well and great success,
And joyous holidays filled with much happiness.
All the best and Bon Appétit!”

So, there is no review on the cover of “No More Mac and Cheese”.  For “Lawrence the Laughing Cookie Jar”, we called Mrs. Fields, Mrs. GoodCookie, Otis Spunkmeyer, and others, but no one responded.  With our latest title, “Rhyme”, we had no choice.  Early signs of a challenging economy made it clear that this book was going to make or break MPC Press.  While we were unable to secure a review from any major publication, celebrity, or a politician, we did what any sleazy and deceitful publisher would do.  We forged a review…sort of.  Note that the back cover of Rhyme shows the following quote from Al Boar: “Rhyme is unbeatable!”  Who is Al Boar anyway?  We’ll let you in on a little secret—we made up the name, just like we made up the old saying that, “Better off are you, with a pre-press review.”  But, the most intelligent of minds will discover that the name, Al Boar, sounds distinctly like the name of a former politician.  Aha!  Very clever, aren’t we?  Rhyme is about politics, so let’s find a politician to review the book (and one who sounds like he could be a character in the story)…and if no one returns our calls, then let’s create a fictional politician, and have him speak nicely of our work.  So far it’s paying off; sales are strong, and we haven’t been sued.